Transformation Tuesday with Michelle
Michelle's story is one of feeling of abandonment and hopelessness. Even through all of life obstacles, she still persevered. Please read Michelle's spiritual journey, I hope it reaches at least one person today.
I don't doubt God's existence. I just can't. When I was four all the way up until I was about 11, I was molested, abused and watched my mother suffer from domestic violence by her boyfriend(not just a slap her and there, but beatings). Now mind you, we were in and out of church whenever we were allowed to by him. My mother always kept a strong faith in God. I just couldn't understand how. I didn't believe there was a such thing, because why would he allow all this to happen to me and my family?
I became numb to all the abuse. We finally got away, from it all, when I told my school counselor about the abuse. She arranged for my mom, my brother & me to stay at the Women's Shelter for 6 months. (I ended up working there almost 20 years later and the director still remembered me) We started going to church religiously once we left the shelter, I went with a "secret" of unbelief in God.
We returned back to the projects, but without the abuser. I was such an angry child, physically fighting with my mother. I blamed her for the life she gave me. I befriended our neighbor, who was a 21 yr old mother of three. We partied all the time, I got drunk for the first time at 13. Even though she was 8 years older, she was my "friend" and if she said let's do something, I did it. So a couple of years later, when she gave her life to Christ, I started going to church too, keeping my "secret" all to myself. We had our first women's bible fellowship at one of the members house, a couple of months into our church going. We, had our Bible ready and all we needed was a prayer to start off the study. A lady volunteered to start it off. With our eyes closed she started the prayer, then stopped and said "You don't believe". Even with my eyes closed I knew who the words were for. I opened my eyes and looked at her with chills, because I knew it wasn't her speaking. She continued "how could you doubt me, after I heard your prayers of help and delivered you that night?"(other words were spoken, that I can't fully remember) At that moment I got a flash back of the last night of abuse and how after he left my room, I was so hurt, scared and angry. I cried to God in anger, "if you are real get me out of here, help me."....I started shaking and tears came. After the prophecy, the women started to pray over me, and for the first time I heard God speak to my soul. I cried out all my anger, hate, and hurt. Peace was replaced by it all.
This and many other reasons is why I could never say God isn't real. I get angry with the way things are... The way things are allowed to happen, but I can never say he isn't there. He has transformed me into the woman I am today. The awesome mother who is a bit overprotective because if her past. The overachiever at work, because fighting is all I know. The giver, because I know the feeling of not having anything. The lover if Christ, because He is the air I breathe. I have many atheist friends, and I believe that if you truly reach out with everything in you, he will show you in time.
God has used my past help many others, because I can relate to them. It's my calling to help the abused and I'm passionate about it.